I need this reminder sometimes!
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reflections
Courage. This is a word I've thought about often in my 30 years on this earth. Many times I have heard, or spoken of, the courage of people in the military or civil service who dedicated themselves to protecting my freedoms, serving my country, and allowing me to go about my daily life. But really, courage was something I learned about as a young kid moving schools and just dealing with growing up. It's not easy being the new kid and I have very specific memories of moments where I chose to be brave so that I would fit in or so that I wouldn't find myself alone.
This is the courage I've been reflecting on today. The courage to be oneself. I often say that I am happy for all the things my life has dealt me because I love who I am and where I am today. Of course, this doesn't mean that I don't still find myself encountering instances where I need quite a bit of courage. And the more I reflected on this, the more I realized that more than ever, despite my generally feeling comfortable in my own skin and knowing "who I am", I look to find courage within myself to get through the day.
(Just in case you needed a little clarification - Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines "courage" as : mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty)
Here are just a few instances in which I found myself needing to muster up a bit of courage (all from yesterday, by the way):
- I went to a coffee shop where 1. I had never been before and 2. at which there was no menu (annoying even though I usually just drink black coffee - what size do I order? do they have multiple kinds of black coffee? etc).... | New situations are always intimidating and require courage to say to yourself "I am not the only person who has ever done this for the first time" and "There are no dumb questions when something is new to me or anyone else for that matter."
- Seeing my ex's engagement photos... | I've been, for the most part, single since this particular ex and I broke up several years ago (partly by choice and then the other part not by choice- ha!). Anyone who's been in the situation where someone they love moves on and finds what you thought you had with that person, with someone else, has experienced the need to muster up some courage to affirm that things really do happen for a reason. AND, of course you remember that amazing trip you took and they way you used to laugh together, but, oh, uh... remember that time he made you feel disrespected or the fact that he couldn't show up on time to anything and it drove you nuts? It takes courage to acknowledge that the other person has found something that they feel is the right fit for their life AND to acknowledge that they WEREN'T the right fit for yours.
- Apologizing and trying to "fix" a situation in which I sent too many text messages to someone while under the influence of bourbon. and vodka. and a crush... | I tend to talk quite a bit. I am recognizing, over the last couple months, that I talk even more when I'm subconsciously nervous - especially when trying to make a romantic connection with someone. It takes courage to make these observations and acknowledge that sometimes you can be a little bit ridiculous ... (all with the best of intentions)! Finding the courage to recognize places in your life where you can make improvements or grow can be really difficult, but also the most rewarding!
The final thing I'll say about personal courage is this: each day we make the choice to be honest with those around us. Honest in being our true selves instead of someone we think someone else wants us to be, honest in that we are human and make mistakes, honest in not making excuses when we do make mistakes or don't give a situation our best self, and honest in acknowledging that each day we all deal with a lot of situations that may not be easy for us but that we find the courage to face because we are being our true selves, with all our downfalls and all our strengths.
Where did you find yourself needing a little extra courage today?
I'm about to get personal with y'all. I'd like to tell you about my family.
I totally lucked out when it came to my family. I have the most supportive parents a girl could ask for... and let me tell you, I know that over the years that has required a lot.
I've always been a bit feisty and that showed in my teen years (as I recollect fights with my mom over things I can't remember what for). I've had several times in my life when I've been very very sick and needed quite a bit of taking care of (including a brain disease my senior year in high school that put me in the hospital and a wheelchair for a time). I dropped out of college halfway through my junior year. I got married too young to the wrong person and they supported me not only through the wedding but through a very painful divorce as well.
They've helped me move countless times (only once do I think I've done it without them). They supported my decision to quit my job and go back to school (and yes, paid my rent so I could concentrate on finishing). My car basically only gets fixed when my dad reminds me or simply takes it to the shop for me when I'm home visiting.
I was exposed to piano lessons, viola lessons, voice lessons... softball, basketball, soccer... girl scouts, school trips, vacations...
and all of these experiences have made me who I am today. I hope I'll make them proud because I want to show them how grateful I am for not only these things, but showing me unconditional love, allowing me to continually express myself and explore who I am in the world.
Now, I don't want to write a post about family without mentioning my brother Seth. Seth is much more private than I, so I'll make it brief and tell you, reader, what I tell everyone. My brother Seth is one of the smartest people I've ever met. He went to UVA and studied Psychology. The only thing he ever has said to me using that education is that I am "the most dependent independent person" he knows. Fair assessment, even years later. Seth joined the Navy after college and now flies F-18 Super Hornets. He's a back-seater, aka a Weapons Systems Officer. He lives in Japan. As a gift, he flew me out there to spend a month with him last spring. He's totally hilarious. Very tall. Blonde. Blue eyes. Single... ladies, let me know if you want to connect. :)
For the first time in a very very long time, my family was together this January. The Navy somehow got wind that it was my 30th birthday and decided that Seth should have to fly to Norfolk over the same dates I'd be throwing my birthday party. I knew this had to be documented.
So here, reader, are the results of my family being together for the first time in years, battling the freezing cold in Washington DC.
A special thank you to my super talented photographer friend Leigh Burnette, Who came from Virginia Beach for the occasion. Please check out his website www.leighburnettephotography.com
And one last thing- Mom, Dad, Seth- I love you.
As a Navy brat growing up I moved quite a bit; I was born in Newport, RI, we moved to Iceland where my brother Seth was born, then to Monterey ,CA, Woodbridge, VA, Virginia Beach, Burke, VA, Virginia Beach... I went to Harrisonburg, VA to go to JMU for college, back to Virginia Beach, to Elizabeth City, NC, back to Virginia Beach... So, apparently I live a bit of a nomadic life. Since moving to DC, I've continued this habit. Today I'm looking back on all the places I've lived since moving to DC!
August 2010 - October 2011: The Radio Gypsy
When I first moved to DC in August of 2010 I spent most of my time on my then-boyfriend's boat at the southwest waterfront at the Gangplank Marina.
October 2010 to February 2011 : Studio Apartment in Pentagon City
I then moved into the studio apartment (of the guy who bought my ex's boat) in Pentagon City. This was my first apartment by myself and I LOVED it!
February 2011 - February 2012 : Two-Bedroom in Pentagon City
In February I moved down the hall into a two-bedroom apartment with my sweet friend & co-worker Jenny (and her 2 cats Lucky & Fiddler).
February 2012 - May 2013 : H Street I then moved to H Street (3rd St) to a one-bedroom English Basement. I had a great desk area built-in which was great as I ended up going back to school while living here. Not good - spending 5 months on crutches & a walking boot while living in a basement apartment.
May 2013 - November 2013 : Casa Azul (3-bedroom in Shaw) I moved into a beautiful house in a Shaw with a couple friends.
November 2013 - Current : Basement Apartment in Truxton Circle
And finally, my current place! I currently live back in a basement in a neighborhood called Truxton Circle (basically between Shaw, NoMa, & Bloomingdale). I have a cozy one-bedroom that I sometimes share with my foster dogs.
